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Self Help Resources

It is our belief that therapy holds a unique value in helping people look in their “blind spots” and build new perspectives to facilitate healing and growth. With that said – there is plenty of transformative and useful learning to be found outside of therapy.

 

This self-help section is a compilation of books, videos, worksheets and other resources that can help you along on your journey. Click on any of the topics below to view these resources and reach out with any questions or suggestions!

Resources for Relationship Improvement

Book. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” book/audiobook.

Book. John Gottman is a clinical scientist who was able to measure the behaviors that create (or tank) happy marriages. Watch him talk about it in this video.

Video. Here is another good Gottman video. This one talks a bit more about the role of sex/intimacy in trust.

Book. Here is a link to Gottman’s book “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage work”

Personality Test for Comparison. “The Big Five” are the personality metrics most studied by psychologists (formally and scientifically). There is a lot of cross-cultural validity in their findings as well. This website will allow you to compare your results to another person. It is very useful for formulating discussion about fundamental differences in perception and behavior.

Book/Video/Couple’s Online Class/Groups. Melissa Orlov wrote a book about couples navigating the presence of ADHD in their marriage. This website has links to that book and also her couple’s seminars/classes (some of which are online/asynchronous).

Book. This is a go-to book for anyone who is close to someone with confusing/toxic/disturbing/unpredictable interpersonal behavior. The relevance is not whether or not your parent/spouse/partner/ex/friend has a personality disorder, but rather how to help you maintain sanity, boundaries and wellbeing in your life.

Youtube Channel. This channel is a good starting point for the “youtube university” education about Narcissism in relationships.

Subreddit. The value of hearing about different relationship patterns and experiences can’t be over-estimated. Neither can the impact of your childhood and forming the “blindspots” that left you vulnerable to them. I recommend this sub-reddit not as an endorsement of all opinions expressed, but as an important medium 

Book. This is perhaps the most recommended book I mention to folks. I recommend you use read this to better understand the ways that you and your loved one have learned to adapt to the world and further – understand how/why you are struggling to connect.

 

Book. This is perhaps the most recommended book I mention to folks. I recommend you use read this to better understand the ways that you and your loved one have learned to adapt to the world and further – understand how/why you react stress and the world around you in certain patterns. Don’t worry about whether or not you have “PTSD” when you read this – focus on the “Four F’s” and which one’s you relate to.

Short Article. If you don’t have time to read, this short article has a good description of the “Four F’s” concept I mentioned above. I can’t recommend this enough – however busy you are.

Book. This is a go-to book for anyone who is close to someone with confusing/toxic/disturbing/unpredictable interpersonal behavior. The relevance is not whether or not your parent/spouse/partner/ex/friend has a personality disorder, but rather how to help you maintain sanity, boundaries and wellbeing in your life.

Subreddit. The value of hearing about different relationship patterns and experiences can’t be over-estimated. Neither can the impact of your childhood and forming the “blindspots” that left you vulnerable to them. I recommend this sub-reddit not as an endorsement of all opinions expressed, but as an important medium 

Personality Test. Save the “results” code from this Big Five “Aspects” Test to review later or share your results with friends (or a therapist). It is a scientifically researched set of personality metrics. These personality tests are vital tools for understanding how/why your perceive things the way you do, and how you can better relate to others.

Personality Test. Less researched, but in many ways – more relatable than the “Big Five” tests. This Meyers Briggs personality test is perhaps the most common (and maybe useful) personality test in the world.

 

Love Languages Type. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is a great tool for understanding what resonates with you emotionally. Remember, this is not finding a fun-typology or understanding how you prefer to show affection for others. It’s about understanding how you connect with people. This is a powerful tool in therapy settings – if you work with us, we will probably recommend you pay for the full results and send them to your therapist of discussion.

Apology Languages Type. Ditto the above, only this one is called the “Apology Languages” quiz. Last I checked full results on this one were free.

 

Youtube Series. This video series (while about OCD directly) is very educational about the ways the cycle of anxiety functions in general. I recommend starting around video 2/3 and watching up through video 18 (they’re 1-4 minutes each).

Youtube Channel. This psychiatrist is one of the most prolific educators on youtube. Her videos are really great to explore symptoms and typologies as you seek answers about depression, anxiety or different conditions you are seeking to understand. I recommend these videos as a supplement (not replacement) for helping to pinpoint issues to work through with us in therapy.

Youtube Channel. This therapist offers a youtube channel that focuses on basic education about different types of coping mechanisms. I think the videos about “cognitive distortion” and techniques to counter it are great resources as people seek answers for how to counter anxiety in their lives.

Substance Abuse Meetings. This tool will help you find an AA or NA meeting near you, online or just about anytime of day or night anywhere you can imagine. 

Co-dependents Anonymous Meetings. This organization has meetings where people come to discuss their struggles keeping boundaries or maintaining healthy relationships.

Hotline. This is a hotline where you can talk someone free anytime of the day or night. Vital note – if you’re experiencing an emergency – call 911 or go to an ER immediately. These links (and The NorCal Center for Men) are not emergency resources.